Psalm 25

As I was reading Psalm 25:1-10 I was taken once again by how trusting in the Lord is secure. It fills me with great joy, to trust in Him. Yet, at the same time it is a choice. I can so easily get derailed by all sorts of things. I'm so thankful to be in relationship with God, who is never changing and yet actively pursuing. May all of you readers know the joy and hope that comes from trusting in the Lord.

To you, O LORD, I lift up my soul;
in you I trust, O my God.
Do not let me be put to shame,
nor let my enemies triumph over me.
No one whose hope is in you
will ever be put to shame,
but they will be put to shame
who are treacherous without excuse.
Show me your ways, O LORD,
teach me your paths;
guide me in your truth and teach me,
for you are God my Savior,
and my hope is in you all day long.
Remember, O LORD, your great mercy and love,
for they are from of old
Remember not the sins of my youth
and my rebellious ways;
according to your love remember me,
for you are good, O LORD
Good and upright is the LORD;
therefore he instructs sinners in his ways.
He guides the humble in what is right
and teaches them his way.
All the ways of the LORD are loving and faithful
for those who keep the demands of his covenant.

7 things

Blythe, tagged me. I have no one else to tag, so I'm just posting my answers. It was fun to think about.


Seven things to do before I die:
1) Have an art show.
2) Write a screenplay.
3) Skydive.
4) Marry the love of my life.
5) Have a baby.
6) Learn another new language.
7) Go to the Metropolitan museum of Art.

Seven Things I Cannot Do:
1) Eat dairy (I love soy!).
2) Handle large pieces of raw meat (roasts,etc...).
3) Basic math without a calculator
4) Talk on the phone (i'm not very good at it, so i'm told).
5) Skateboard.
6) Go to sleep before 10:30pm
7) Breakdance.

Seven Things That would be Attractive in a Mate:
1) Willingness to live obediently for Christ.
2) Ability to appriciate and delight in my oddities.
3) Can be both serious and funny-you've got to be able to laugh together.
4) A true partner in life and ministry.
5) A good communicator.
6) Enjoys and participates in the arts (music, visual arts, etc...)
7) Can challenge me.

Seven Things I Say:
1) What's going on?
2) Do you love it? (inspired by gn)
3) There's got to be a spiritual analogy here...
4) I believe you.
5) That's understandable.
6) So...anyway.
7) No way!

Seven People Tagged:
All my seven seem to be taken too. Oh well...

coffee talk

What is your favorite local coffee shop? As I frequent many of these places I have certain reasons I go to one place rather than another. I use to be a faithful Radina's goer. I liked the coffee the atmosphere, wireless internet, music choice, art displayed. This year I have transitioned into spending most of my time at Bluestem. I can't really tell you why. I think I discovered I liked the coffee flavor better, the music is really good. There is more distance inbetween each table which prevents me from eavesdropping. A lot of my appointments choose to meet me here, plus there seems to be more foot-traffic here (i'm at bluestem now, so wireless is obviously an attration). I like the idea of going to Panera, but it is a little out of the way. It is definitely a good spot if you don't want to smell and if you don't want to bump into students. I don't really like Hastings, too many distractions with all the books and magazines to look at, plus the music choices aren't my favorite. Of course there is the beloved Union Station in Union with the 'Starbucks'. The air quotes are because the coffee really doesn't ever taste like the real deal, I'm not exactly sure why. However, kudos to the dude that changed the music, he's my hero. The xylophones are gone! And now there are awesome mixes of Sufjan Stevens, Coldplay, Ben Harper, and many more of my own personal favorites. I'll be spending more time there because of this. So, where do all of your locals frequent? And for those of you out-of-towners (funny movie by the way) why do you go where you go?

Safari Stinks

So I'm here with Correnta and I was asking her how to change my fonts, settings, etc... I have just been doing the normal font thing, color has always been black-boring! What I found out is that Safari wasn't giving me any options on my create posting tab other than spell checker and insert picture. I've been creatively inhibited NOT because I don't know codes or something. It is because I've been using Safari and it stinks. So goodbye Safari, hello Firefox.

Post office conversations

I'm an eavesdropper. I love listening to peoples coversations. I feel like I gain insight into who people are, what they are like, what intrests them. Sometimes it is even like solving a mystery-who are they talking about, who is the person they are talking to (spouse, sibling, friend, stranger)? Today I went to the post office to do my monthly newsletter mailing routine. I had a student with me and as we were stuffing, stamping and licking envelopes I began to listen to the conversations that people were having in the post office. They were varied topics, some were related to what they were mailing, what they did for a job, where they were going next. I never really considered that going to the post office could be a great place to observe people and even meet someone new. I soon realized that just as many people were noticing me with all of my 66 letters to be sent. In fact, one older man said, "Now what are you doing mailing all those letters? Are you having a party?". I told him that it was for my job. He thought that was pretty strange. I think I have a cool job. I get to send 66 letters out each month about what is going on in my life and ministry. As I was thinking about all these brief conversations people were having I thought there was something kind os special about it, though sometimes those types of coversations can seem insignificant or shallow. I think there is something to 'post office conversations' that I can learn. I could probably use a lot more of these types of conversations, light and yet tell something important about another person or myself.

Connected

I'm loving the blog today. I was reading some comments and thoughts left on my blog as well as others and felt so connected to all these women (jill, athena, blythe, correnta, alethea, larka) that are all in a similar life place as I am. I have really grown to love all of you in new ways through the blogspot. I don't have much else to blog about today, I'm just feeling grateful and excited to continue to learn from you and journey with you all.

A retrospective on Valentine's Day

I had lunch with a friend on Valentine's Day and we were talking about how she and her husband don't celebrate the day,
"loving and showing love to one another should happen everyday." I totally agree in one sense, but at the same time even in though I think Valentine's Day is a cliche' I too want the flowers delivered to my door, the secret love revealed, the love note written with thoughtful and inspiring words, the fancy candlelit dinner. As I was reflecting further on this I realized that my USA culture has instilled in me since childhood the value of this 'hallmark holiday'. In Elementary school we all had boxes that other kids could put Valentine's into. Undoubtedly, you'd count to see how many you had and who sent you what type of message. Imagine 5-12 year olds are counting to see who likes them and who doesn't. This year I got a Valentine from my nephew, it was a Darth Vader Valentine. I thought, "nothing says I love you like a message from the dark side". Funny, I think. Junior High comes and you can send the $1 carnations with notes attached that are delivered throughout the day or in a particular class period. The angst I went through every year, would I get carnations or not. I didn't really want a carnation from a girlfriend, although the thought was appreciated. And if you didn't get any flowers, you'd just watch the other kids getting them. At the time I would have never sent one to a boy, some of the 'wild girls' did. I really wanted to be one of those girls deep inside. So onto Highschool. The expectation keeps getting higher, when carnations are replaced with roses and all sorts of extravagant gifts/bouquets are sent to the school office. The whole day students names are called over the intercom, or notes are delivered to class. I think the office ladies were as into as anyone. The pressure just gets worse as you hope, pray, long for someone to see you, to remember you on that day. I would always even hold out hope all the way until I got hope, thinking the guy would be clever and send them to my house. Even now, as much as I hate the cliche', the marketing scheme behind Valentine's day, and say I don't really care. I do. I can't help it. I want the flowers, I want the love notes, the life-sized teddy bear holding chocolates (the bear is figurative in this case), the jewelry. Just a few days ago I found myself thinking, 'maybe someone will show how much they care today.' I felt like I was counting valentine's in a box, waiting for that flower to be delivered or my name to be called. It reveals the desire for someone to love me out in the open and seen by everyone.

Dream Interpretation

I had a dream last night that was bizarre on many different levels. The most random being that I was at a holiday gathering with my family and we had decided that we would make this hoilday thematic. We were all superheros. My mom was Martha Stewart. She insisted that Martha really does possess superhuman powers. I had a bathrobe on, because I didn't know what superhero to be-I just decided to be 'robe-girl'. Pretty lame. Anyway, we were at a hotel and in the hotel there was a starbucks which I was pretty excited about. I went to stand in line and it was a mad house, people pushing and yelling their orders. I finally ordered my drink (white choc. mocha w/ soy) and when they gave me my drink it was apple cider. I told the barista that this order was wrong and waited for my drink. They kept giving me the wrong drink and finally I cracked. I tried to tell a barista that I had been standing there for 20 minutes and still didn't have the right drink. I was very frustrated and just wanted what I had come for. A barista finally told me she knew what I wanted and she would make it. She took out a small tumbler, filled it with ice and began to make a fruit drink. I was really angry and knocked the drink out of her hand and walked away. Observing all of this was a friend who was sitting at a table nearby. He asked me what was going on and why I reacted in the manner I did. It was curious to me and my response was 'I don't know". I'm not sure why I was so angry. After thinking about this all day I've come to some conclusions, dream interpretion if you will....
The mocha represents what I really long for. I was so excited to get this drink and then I was confronted with a chaotic situation. Those in control were giving me drinks that were perfectly good and delicious, but it wasn't my greatest desire. I kept asking for the drink I had ordered and I was constantly disappointed with what was given to me until I couldn't handle it anymore and I just freaked out and walked away. I'm wondering if that is how I am really feeling right now. Like this woman who doesn't know who she is-"robe girl". A woman who has great longings and desires that she's surrendered before God and feels now like she's just getting the apple cider instead of the mocha she's made for. I'm scared that I'm going reject the drinks given to me rather than enjoy what is given, experience it, and wait for my mocha to be made in the right time. This might be a stretch, but it connected with my heart.

Somewhere over the Rainbow...

This rainbow was in the January sky last week-unbelievable. It was a blessing to see because there has been a lot of turmoil and grief in life recently. The death of a friend whom I made the painting for, was earnestly praying for. I guess I've been feeling a bit disappointed and confused with God's ways. In some ways God has been preparing me for this as I have been meditating and thinking about the mysteriousness of God the last few months. There really is much that is unseen, the pieces of life don't always seem to fit together, or seem fair to me. Still, I'm left with many questions. I'm left with an inner ache. I'm left with the powerful, never changing presence of Christ that is with me, slowly soothing me. This rainbow reminds me of the promises of God. It reminds me of beauty and freedom. It gives me hope.