Sunday, April 10, 2011

Heart-sick

Today I am lonely. Lonely for heart friends. I really miss being able to talk (uninterrupted) with my closest friends. I am enjoying getting to know those here in town now, but it takes time. I understand that, I don't feel the pressure to make relationships happen. The reality is that my heart is in need. I have been thinking about the blessing of all my years of being single. How I could just go sit on a girlfriends couch and pour out my heart and stay there for hours. It was such a sweet, sweet time. I love sharing my life like that with my husband, who is an amazing listener and encourager. But, there is something about a girlfriend, you know? I KNOW I am not alone in this. I am just praying that God would sustain me, give me moments of connection with those I am able to call and talk to, or those God has put around my life. I feel such gratitude that I even am feeling this heart-sickness. That means that God has allowed my heart to go deep with people. I want to TRUST that He is at work in all of this. I just want to say to all of those of you that I can't call everyday, that I long to come sit on your couch, talk and listen. I miss you, a lot.

7 comments:

Gail said...

Um...I tried to leave a message on here and don't know where it went. I love you dearly and am hurting for you. Can we connect sometime soon?

kellie j. said...

I remember last year (was it last year?) we were at the movies seeing Bride Wars, and all of a sudden, I was completely overwhelmed with sadness because it hit me how much I miss girlfriends. I think I might have cried myself to sleep that night! I can so relate.

Brooke said...

good morning tears! I think the same thing...I wouldn't be so lonely if I didn't know what it felt like to have friendships like ours.

3 years here at wichita and I feeling like I am just now making a real heart friend...and guess what...she's leaving in a year to go to africa LONG TERM!! NO!!!

I love you so much...and probably think of you everyday.

We MUST get to manhattan soon! Maybe in May?

Angela Spicer said...

Thanks for sharing your heart, Jenni. You have such a dear heart and it is such a blessing to know you. That uninterrupted connection is difficult to come by these days for sure. I don't think I knew that motherhood, with all those extra people around, would include loneliness. I feel ya, hon. Hey, we haven't chatted in forever, and it shouldn't be so difficult. Throw Chloe in front of the T.V. sometime soon and give me a call. ;)

Erin said...

Jenni, I'd LOVE to talk soon. Miss you too.

Paprika said...

I love that thought that your grief means that God has blessed you with heart friends. I've never thought of it like that. I sure miss you too. Let's chat on the phone soon.

Carolyn said...

Jenni, I am feeling these same things in preparing to leave. I'll be praying for you! Thanks for being such a great example to me of how to develop those deep friendships.