Saturday, May 08, 2010

A hard month

The past month has been a hard one 'round these parts. Triple ear infection (3x, not that Chloe has 3 ears:), and some long sleepless nights that lead to sleep deprivation close to newborn days. Actually, one of my biggest fears since having Chloe is that I would be in THAT place again. Sleep deprivation. It has been such a fear that sometimes I sleep even when I am not tired because I am afraid that I won't get that sleep down the line. It sounds nuts writing it, but somehow I associated my post-partum depression/baby blues with my lack of sleep. Now after some of those long nights, a few only getting a couple of hours at a time, I don't think it was just sleep. I know it wasn't just sleep that was nearly pushing me over the edge. HORMONES, C-SECTION, MASTITIS. I am still and will probably always be someone who functions best on 9 hours a night. It annoys me. But I have come to realize I will not die or become unstable with a few nights without that. I can embrace that sleepless nights are usually a season and there will be a full nights sleep again. I have a very patient husband that reminds me of these thing when I am feeling afraid that things will never get better. They do, they really do. I need a giant sign written on every wall in my home that I can see on hard days: It won't always be like this! Thank you Jesus, for new days, for life circumstances to trust you in, for sleep when we can get it. Things are getting better, ears are clear, and more nights of sleep. Ahh....

2 comments:

Paprika said...

Oh this all sounds so familiar! Thanks for sharing your heart about it. It is true that life happens in phases (hardly ever the same as a previous one). But it gets hard to remember that.

Erin said...

It's great to have a husband that can remind us that the way things are right now, are not how they will always be. Sometimes I feel very short sighted when it comes to raising a child, but I am thankful when T reminds me that "yes, she will learn to drink cow's milk"- she did or "yes, she will be fully potty trained someday"- we're almost there. We had a few bumps in the sleep dept about a month ago, but I've nearly forgot about them. Hang in there friend!